Tuffs v. Not Tuffs - WHISKEY EDITION
I have taken my excellent (EXCELLENT) “feature” at streettuffs.blogspot.com, called “Tuffs v. Not Tuffs,” to this new location. Tuffs v. Not Tuffs pits seemingly well-matched foes against one another to be dissected by yours truly in a not-scientific-yet-thoroughly-scientific manner to determine true superiority of one of our competitors. Usually, this is an NFL-heavy feature and true to form I had planned this to be a Fav-ruh v. Goth Rodgers puke-a-thon but then I thought - PUKE-A-THON?! well then, WHISKEY, whiskey works just fine.
Especially because lately my fellow Tuffs and myself have discovered a wealth of cheap whiskey at the nearby Foremost (not to be confused with the Foremost that was nearby, before I moved, that did not have a wealth of cheap whiskey but had a wealth of wealthy whiskey, which is actually very nice thank you) and have set out on the trail of tears that is sampling some of these offerings. One we have tried is too terrible to mention in this comparison shop/fight to the death, but Test Sample Number 2 proved to be quite the competitor to another old standard, Jim Beam.
So who’s Tuffs and who is Not Tuffs?
TUFFS: Setter Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey (the bottle also says “Premium - Private Stock”) - $11.50 with outrageous Cook County and Chicago tChaxes, at Foremost Liquors, North Avenue, Chicago.
Oh, Setter. Cheap? For sure. But the rot-gut factor is low and the easy-drinking factor is high, leading to possible blackouts to even the most veteran drinker. Sure, Jimmy B. is verrrry easy to drink (no burn like from Jack Daniels, no thick sweetness requiring ice cubes like Makers Mark and all those lovely bourbons of higher quality than Makers), but Setter is easy to Ddddrrraaank. Like, drink it straight from the bottle. Share it with your friends. The alcohol content will kill your H1N1S (Ward) Flu. You will all get drunk. Have I mentioned that even in tax-happy Cook County/Chicago, one liter of this fine brown spirit only costs you $11.50? In a GLASS bottle? This is important. Cheap is one thing; bottle fabrication is another. Plus, you cannot find anything out about this bourbon if you Google it, solidifying it as a cult hit, even if the cult is only the Street Tuffs.
Last night we bought 90 beers, plus whatever beers someone else brought, plus a few people who brought the makings for their own cocktails, and a bottle of Setter, and some of us had quite a night with 30-plus beers left over. Enough said? Probably not, but if you see Setter on your liquor store’s shelves, I’d buy it. Just try it. It will do the job like a $25.00 whiskey but for significantly less. Buy twelve camo High Life tallboys with the money you saved. It’s Cheaper and Better - Settle for Setter!
NOT TUFFS: Jim Beam Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey (this bottle says “Sour Mash” and “Frankfort, Kentucky, USA” - $25.00 for a handle (1.75 liters), with outrageous Cook County/Chicago taxes, at any place in Chicago which has Jim Beam.
Jim Beam is totally played out. Why put it on ice when there is Maker’s Mark or Pappy Van Winkle around? Why take shots when there’s Setter for your cheap, consumable goodness? I switched to Jim when I decided that trying to be rock n roll (WHOOOOO AXLLLL) doesn’t translate to drinking that sour, burning Jack Daniels. It’s more about the oft-loathed drinkability and the tastearifficatronism. If you can get the same taste and same glug out of whiskey one third of the price, why bother anymore with the Beam? Further, the Beam Corp is pushing a Budweiser Select-style “aged” “good” “whiskey” with Kid Rock as their maaaayan (not Mayan but May-yan, man), and it looks fucking stupid.
THEREFORE: Save the money, Settle for Setter. If you cannot, get the Jim Beam. Sunny Brook is not worth it (lest you are ready to kill - more later).